LIKE THE CHICKEN AND EGG THEORY, NOBODY REALLY KNOWS IF A GROUP OF WOMEN COWORKERS IN AN OFFICE SETTING are truly classified as hens, or not. They certainly do have sharp, dangerous beaks!

             =              
                   TOO MANY, TOO CLOSE!   YOU ARE DOOMED                    SCARED?  KEEP STILL.
                                                                                                                                 THEY CAN'T SEE YOU UNLESS YOU
                                                                                                                                 MOVE.

And nobody can deny the fact that if you (a male) are dropped in their midst, and they detect any smell of weakness, they will instinctively flock together and peck the living daylights out of you.  Never mind that they pull each others feathers out, and squabble and gossip and claw at each other endlessly in your absence....it only takes your presence- and few words of encouragement (such as, "here's how you fix it", or, "did you read the manual, you've been doing twice the work you need to for years?") to cause them to immediately band in attack formation.  This instinctual urge to kill the intruder is as predictable as dropping fat juicy seal blubber into a polar bear cage.


THE NEW JOB

Starting a new job? Scientists who have analyzed this phenomenon (intelligent, rational men of course, not stupid Hos) have worked out quite reliable mathematical equations which can be used to predict the average man's long term survivability in office hire situations. Known as the "Bitch Beak Ratio", or BBR factor, it is the proportion of women to men in the office, multiplied times the number of people who are isolated in work groups by cubicle walls.  This law is as absolute as gravity.
For example, starting a new job in an office setting with 10 tempermental bitches diluted by two men would be [10/2 * 12], or a 60 percent chance of your job ending in flames, and you pecked to death.
A much more comfortable environment of being cube-enclosed in with 2 wenches and 20 rational, laid back guys however, would put you only in 2.2 percent danger of destruction. Use this equation with care when selecting your new workplace! It could mean your life.

                              
     OFFICE WOMEN FEED                  THIS STUFF IS LIKE SPINACH                  IT AINT' WORKIN, HUNNY.
                                                              MAKES EM YAK ENDLESSLY                  BUT I'M NOT SAYIN NOTHING!  I VALUE
                                                                                                                                MY LIFE.

CHICKEN FEED

We will leave alone exploring the chilling comparison of office women perpetually munching on popcorn and diet sprite in their family-photo and heartwarm-plaque encrusted cubes, to hens pecking at feed in their cages. I am reminded of one instance where popcorn actually spilled on the floor, and the flock broke off their attack and scattered and started harvesting off the floor in a most poultry-ish fashion. Giving me a chance to escape, and I live to tell the tale! Use this technique as a last resort, but take my advice and keep your feet out of reach!! Due to their tiny short-circuit brains, they won't remember a thing.

Peace.